So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Im part way to drunk.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
