before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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