Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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