Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
