if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
