I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
