Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
