remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
