4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
