last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
