New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
