he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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