the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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