Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
