Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
