I think my fart just growled at me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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