I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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