Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
