get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
