Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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