Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Randomize
