Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
