fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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