this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
