Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
