We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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