It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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