Do you still have your period?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
