new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
