I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
