The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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