Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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