now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
