I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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