Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
