She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
