I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
