I wish I could teleport
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's just like the Real World with babies
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
