Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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