I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
