1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
