I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He has the fingertips of a God
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