my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
