woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
