It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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