please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
