do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
