I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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