..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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