The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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