Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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