And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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