My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize