I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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