wakey wakey hands off snakey
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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