Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
