She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
