he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
