if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mom said you looked used
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
