There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
