Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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