you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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