she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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