tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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