I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
