I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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