WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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