I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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