The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
