well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
