I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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