i think my tv is drunk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
