It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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