i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You are the jesus of drinking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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