I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can I color on your dick again?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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